The Great Crop Circle Caper
That night Jason, Jack, and Steve met over a pitcher of beer at the Olde Towne Pub. Jack presented his
idea, "as soon as we finish our beers, I want us to go to Wal-Mart and buy some glow sticks, balloons, and
a small helium tank. You know, the kind they sell for kids parties."
"And what, pray tell, are we going to do with all that?" Asked Steve.
"We're going to that patch of woods behind the crop circle site, that's all I'll say for now." Replied Jack.
After their visit to Wal-Mart, the friends gathered at the patch of woods behind the crop circle site. They
faintly heard voices and music coming from the site. "Ok, here's what we're going to do. Steve, I want you
to crack and activate the glow sticks. Jason, I want you to put each glow stick into a balloon and hand it to
me. I'll blow up the balloon with the helium tank, tie a knot, and let it go. I checked the wind directions on
the Weather Channel and it should carry the balloons west over our crop circle." Jack instructed.
"Whoa, Whoa wait a minute, what are we doing?" Asked Jason.
"We're giving our audience UFO's, that's what." Replied Jack.
"Nobody's going to fall for glow sticks in a balloon." Scoffed Steve.
"You want to make a bet on that, Steve?" Answered Jack.
"Uh no, after seeing what was happening today at the crop circle, I'm not betting on anything, let's do this."
Between the three of them, Steve activating the glow sticks, Jason stuffing them into the balloons, and
Jack blowing up the balloons, they got the balloons done and aloft very quickly. They waited to hear the
results and weren't disappointed. They heard screams and yelling coming from the site.
"Our work here is done and now it's time to get the Hell out of here." Said Jack.
They all piled in the car and headed back to the Olde Towne Pub to celebrate their latest victory over
several pitchers of beer.
"This is Hillary Snell with Channel 11 Action News. There were reports of UFO sightings all over Mountain
Springs last night. There were multiple witnesses who reported seeing the UFO's over the crop circle site.
With me now is Moonbeam, who witnessed the UFO's last night. Tell me Moonbeam, what did you see?"
"It was, like, a whole group of glowing balls that, like, flew over us. They, like, floated around us and then
disappeared toward town. Afterwards, I felt so...... like, at peace with everything. They are here, like, to
save our planet." Gushed Moonbeam.
"There you have it, UFO's sighted and a crop circle in Mountain Springs. Are we being visited? Back to you
Ted." Reported Hillary Snell.
The next few weeks were extremely busy for Mountain Springs. The hotels were full and all businesses
were doing very well, including Muldoon's Steak and Seafood where Jason worked. "Wow, I can't believe
the tips! I think I'll put new tires on my car and buy a new TV. If this keeps up, I may pay my car off early."
Jason said to himself. His cell phone rang.
"Hey Jas, this is Jack. Meet me at nine at Olde Towne Pub, I have an idea."
"Those four words always scare the Hell out of me." Replied Jason.
'Yeah, yeah whatever, just be there." Said Jack.
Jason, Jack, and Steve met at the pub over a pitcher of beer. "Listen, our crop circle is pretty worn out. All
the people in the field have pretty much trampled all the grass down so you can barely see the crop circle.
People are going to lose interest. We need to do another one." Stated Jack.
"What, another crop circle? There is no way we could do another one there without being seen." Said
"Not there, idiot! I was thinking about that field on Warren Cove Road. It's a little further out in the country,
so there'll be little traffic. I was thinking this time doing circles within a circle. Do a big circle, skip a few
feet, do another circle, skip a few feet, do another circle. You get the idea." Said Jack.
"It sounds like a bullseye." Grumbled Steve.
"It'll look cool when it's finished, trust me. These people will read something profound into it, I know it."
"Ok, let's pay our tab, visit the Quickie Mart for more beer, and just do this. I have to admit I have guilt
feelings about these frauds we're doing, but the town was struggling before and now we can pay our bills.
And we're bringing happiness to those who believe in this stuff, at least that's what I tell myself." Said
After a quick stop at the Quckie Mart, they headed out to Warren Cove Road. They found the field and set
about creating the newest crop circle. They finished quickly and headed back to the Olde Towne Pub to
toast their latest victory.
"This is Hillary Snell from Channel 11 Action News. We're here on Warren Cove Road and as you can see
behind me in the field, there is a new crop circle. There are many folks here celebrating our newest circle.
There's a drum circle and many dancers and visitors. Have we been visited again by aliens? Back to you
According to an article in The Mountain Springs Times, several new stores have opened in town. One new
store, Crystal Life, sells crystals, incense, candles, and books on Wicca, New Age, and Native American
spiritualism. Another new store nearby is Alien Dreams. It sells UFO models, alien dolls, posters of the
crop circles, and every book imaginable on UFO's, alien abduction, and crop circles. It also does a brisk
business in T-shirt sales, including shirts with pictures of the Mountain Springs crop circles on them.
Their biggest seller is a T-shirt that reads, "I was abducted by aliens in Mountain Springs, NC." The Wolf
Mountain Brewery has announced they have started production of a new beer called Alien Ale. It should
be ready in time for the 1st. Annual Mountain Springs Crop Circle Festival later this summer.
"This is Hillary Snell from Channel 11 Action News. The Amazing Randi and an associate from the The
National Skeptics Society are arriving tomorrow to debunk our crop circles. For those of you who don't
know, the Amazing Randi has offered a million dollars to anyone who can prove the existence of the
paranormal. We will be live at the scene to interview the skeptics. Back to you Ted."
Jason, Jack, and Steve were gathered over a pitcher of beer at the Olde Towne Pub. They were
discussing the latest events.
"Well, I hear that a couple of well known skeptics are coming to town. Wonder what they'll have to say?"
"What do you think? The Amazing Randi and his comrades are professional debunkers. They're
unbelievers to the far extreme. Their motto is "it can't be real, therefore it isn't." A green alien could walk
up to Randi, shake his hand, and he would still say aliens don't exist. I think I'll pay a visit to the site
tomorrow and watch the fireworks when they make their announcement to the all crop circle
worshippers." Said Jack with a glint in his eye.
"Yep, it should be good for good for a few laughs." Agreed Steve.
"This is Hillary Snell with Channel 11 Action News. With me is The Amazing Randi and his friend, Mr.
Shermer. Randi, I noticed you only looked at the crop circle for a couple of minutes. What is your opinion
of our circle?"
"Well Hillary, it's a fake of course. Aliens and UFO's don't exist. Therefore, the circle was made by humans.
End of story." Announced Randi.
"That's right Hillary, aliens, ghosts, Bigfoot, gods, and angels don't exist. It's time people grew up and
faced reality that the paranormal and the supernatural don't exist and are the product of immature minds."
Said Mr. Shermer smugly.
"So, you flew all the way from California to inform us of something you had already made up your minds
about, is that correct?" Asked Hillary Snell.
While the debunkers were speaking and essentially insulting 90% of the Earth's population, the crowd
started muttering. The muttering escalated into yelling. The yelling escalated into the throwing of bottles,
rocks, and drums. Hillary Snell dropped her microphone and ran for the Channel 11 News truck, followed
closely behind by the cameraman. The Amazing Randi took a beer bottle right between the eyes. Mr.
Shermer had a drum land directly on top of his head. The police moved in but had a full scale riot on their
hands. The police were able to carry The Amazing Randi and Mr. Shermer to safety.
"This is Hillary Snell with Channel 11 Action News. After yesterdays riot at the crop circle site, all is quiet.
People are drumming and dancing and there's no sign of the violence that put myself and others in
danger. The Amazing Randi and Mr. Shermer suffered minor injuries and are leaving Mountain Springs as
soon as they're discharged from the hospital. Back to you Ted."
"Wow, I never expected that! People went nuts." Said Steve.
"I feel kinda guilty. If we hadn't created these crop circles, we wouldn't have had a riot on our hands. I
don't know if UFO's or aliens really exist, but we are guilty of creating some sort of crop circle cult."
"Bull shit Jason, these guys appeared in front of a large group of people acting arrogant and
condescending. They not only said UFO's didn't exist, but they called people immature for believing in
God! They're lucky they only got bruises and cuts. They lose all credibility for being that stupid!"
"I can't argue with you there, bro. But what now?" Asked Jason.
"The Crop Circle Festival is coming up soon. That'll be a big draw. Then it'll be fall and people will be
coming to look at the leaves. I believe more people will come during the fall colors, not only to look at the
leaves, but to visit the crop circle sites. Then comes winter and skiing. So we can lay low for now and
practice our crop circle skills." Said Jack.
"What do you mean practice our crop circle skills?" Asked Jason.
"Well, come spring, we'll have to provide the people with better, fancier crop circles. We can't disappoint
our fans, can we?" Replied Jack.